DTR CONVERSATION DO’S AND DON’TS

•   Do: Have the Conversation When You’re Ready

There is no right or wrong time to talk about the boundaries in a relationship, contrary to popular belief.  Every dating ‘rule’ out there only reinforces disconnection and shame and is based on individual perceptions and experiences. It’s OK to crave intimacy and go for it, don’t be told otherwise.

•  Don’t: Make Demands

A conversation to define a relationship is about boundaries and limitations. You cannot force that conversation, If someone is not ready to have that conversation or isn’t ready to make a commitment you’re ready for, then you are solely responsible for what actions you choose next.

• Do: Be Honest and Vulnerable

This part is hard, but speaking from your honest thoughts and feelings helps avoid playing the ‘game’ of dating.  Speak from a place of honesty and vulnerability. I call this speaking from your ‘I.’ Phrases like,

‘I want…’

‘I feel…’

‘I would like….’

are all good ways to start.”

• Don’t: Have the Conversation If You’re Distracted

Make sure to have the conversation with a clear and present mind.  Don’t suggest having the talk after a night out and a few drinks, [and] don’t have the conversation via text message.  Have the conversation in person.

• Do: Respect Their Response

If your partner isn’t interested in having a monogamous relationship, don’t freak out at them.  Remember that everyone is allowed to have their own reaction to this choice. If someone doesn’t want to be monogamous with you, move on. Go find someone who is interested in that.